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Stella Stone
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We Know We Aren’t Perfect Wives

Dec 20, 2017

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This will not be one of those very serious lectures on how to become the perfect wife! I don’t want to imply that I have somehow attained that state or that it is possible for you to get there by following ten easy steps and putting forth a little effort.


The chapter title with perfect in quotation marks should suggest that we will be using perfect in a somewhat different manner than that which the dictionary decrees with its list of lofty definitions:
“Without blemish or defect.” (Who, me?) “Completely skilled.” (Hardly!) “Thoroughly effective.” (Maybe occasionally.) “Having all the qualities necessary …” (Well, no.)
But then that last definition gives pause for thought: Having all the qualities necessary … to assure your husband that you’re the perfect wife for him. There it is! Exactly what this chapter is about.
We know we aren’t perfect wives. And our husbands know it too. But it is possible to keep them so happy that they think of us as perfect, because in the details that matter most to them, we have learned to please them! Now I am not talking about devious dealings or cute manipulations designed to befuddle our husbands into adoring us. They are not that easily fooled. And, more important, there is a better way to please them—a way that God can honor, because it is rooted in the New Testament principle of servant-hood: “Ourselves your servants for Jesus’ sake”.


Of course this does not mean that we are to behave like menials around our husbands. To serve my husband for Jesus’ sake does not demand that I be servile and abject like a Babylonian slave or an eighteenth-century washerwoman. It begins with the attitude of thinking about him, instead of being preoccupied with myself It includes looking for ways, all the time, to help him and please him. In the words of Proverbs 31, this kind of wife will do her husband “good and not evil all the days of her life.” The behavior that pleases him flows out of an inner attitude that I have already chosen for myself—the attitude that my husband is the king of my household and the king of my marriage. Next to the Lord, he is the one I want to please the most. He is my top priority, right after Christ. So it is my joy and privilege to treat my husband as my “lord.” And here I am in good company, for Peter in his first epistle instructs the Christian wives to adapt themselves to their husbands, their beauty “the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit, a thing very precious in the eyes of God” (1 Peter 3:4 PHILLIPS). He goes on to point to Sarah as a good example: “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord” (1 Peter 3:6).


The rewards of this attitude have been mentioned earlier but they are worth repeating: The more you please your husband, the more he is going to be eager to please you. The more he attempts to please you, the more you are going to be happy and satisfied, and you are going to try even more to do the things that make him happy. This is the glorious cycle of response that we could call a circle, for a circle never ends. Once you step into that circle of love, you will not want to move out, and although your husband may still know your limitations only too well, he will feel that whatever you do is all right. You have proved yourself to be just the right wife for him.


When it comes to the sex relationship, we mustbc pleased ourselves in order to please our husbands. Men who rate their sexual experience as outstanding say it’s because of the pleasure they receive from seeing their wives excited and thrilled. Most husbands realize there is far more to sex in marriage than having their biological needs met by a passive, tired, or bored but submissive wife. They want to see their wives sent into ecstasy by their love-making; and yet, according to statistics, less than 40 percent of married couples consistently enjoy maximum fulfillment and orgasm in intercourse.


Because I speak at seminars on sexual technique in marriage, women often talk to me about their disappointments and their longings in this area. They know they don’t have a good sex relationship but they suspect everyone else does. And they are wot happy.


On the basis of our counseling experience, as well as the evidence of the Scriptures, Dr. Wheat and I believe that good sex is a must for a good marriage. It may not be the most important thing, but if either partner is deprived of sex or dissatisfied with it, then it becomes a major issue. A satisfactory sex relationship strengthens any marriage. In fact a oneness in this intimate area often indicates that every part of the marriage will be reinforced.


Even though sex is such a public topic these days, women who have been married for thirty years still come to me and they don’t know whether or not they have ever reached a climax. All the general discussion of sex in the magazines has not helped them. They need to understand the specifics of the sex experience, with its arousal, response, and climax, and that is why we have made this book so very specific.


The factual, physiological information, correctly put into action, will take care of less than half the problem for dissatisfied women and their husbands. What is left unsolved falls into the categories of attitudes and communication. Some counselors have suggested that as much as 80 percent of the difficulty lies in these areas.

 

by Alice Burns a featured publisher of Loveawake.com for Cross.tv